I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
