The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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