Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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