Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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