I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Can Purell be used as lube?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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