what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
