Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
