Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
