Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
