Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
