Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
