i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize