Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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