Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
