In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
