I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
