I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
