I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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