You just made me feel so damn special
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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