You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
