I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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