How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We are two peas in an std pod
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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