Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
