It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
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We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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