just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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