if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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