i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
