Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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