maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
