ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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