What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
