its not stalking. its research.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
