I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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