I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
