If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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