Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
