I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My pussy is not your playground.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she pinky promised me she was 18
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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