So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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