one two three fourrrrnication!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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