The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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