i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Of course I have a pirate flag
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
