Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
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Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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