when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize