ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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