if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
