I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
