are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
