I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
