what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
