Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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