apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
