I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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