I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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