What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
