opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
