Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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