I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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