Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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