So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
