what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
