if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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