It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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