Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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