Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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