he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
