that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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