My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
