Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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