I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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