He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
