I didn't shave. On purpose
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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