Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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