I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
