You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
