Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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